Giving/Expectaions

"Give With No Expectations"

"Expect Nothing From Everyone"

Two of my favorite little words of wisdom.

This is something I learned about 6 years ago - I mean learned like you have heard it said 900 times before but then one day someone says it and it just smacks you in the face and changes your life.

It really isn't a gift if there is an expectation there is it?  I don't give presents to people at holidays or birthdays because I am expecting something.  If I got no gifts at Christmas I wouldn't care - I love to get people gifts and I expect nothing in return.  I don't do nice things for people thinking, well now they owe me one.  When I buy someone lunch cause I want to, I am in no way thinking they owe me a lunch in the future or owe me anything.  And when I give money to a charity, church, man on the corner, etc - I don't care what they do with the money - I am giving it to them and it is theirs to decide what to do with.  If they waste it - that is not my concern I have given it to them and what they do with it is not my business because I do not put an expectation on the gift.

I know a lot of people who have exoectaions on gifts.  A lot of these people are probably not even aware that they have expectations - but they do.  Some people will buy you meals, take you fun places, and maybe instead of repaying a meal for a meal they expect more time from you, or preferential treatment, or a referral or sorts.  These people can be hard to spot...some are obvious, some are tricky.  These are the people that when we are out to eat or offer to pay for other things I never let them.  I'll go to great lengths never to let these people pay for anything for me - I don't want that hanging over my head that they think I "owe" them something.

If you in anyway have any expectation because of anything you are thinking about doing for me or giving me I say to you "Don't do, Don't give it to me".

I think when you put expectations on things you automatically are setting people up to fail.  I have learned this with family, friends, and especially in my marriage.  Here is an example.  Jared always takes out our trash now it would be easy for me to have an expectation that Jared is supposed to take out the trash.  Now let's look at the two options here:

1.  I Expect Jared to take out the trash:  

      a. when he does - he did his job

      b. when he doesn't - he's letting me down, he didn't do it again, come on Jared take out the TRASH!

2.  I don't expect Jared to take out the trash: 

     a. when he does - YAY THANKS Jared! You took out the trash!

     b. when he doesn't - oh shoot the trash still needs to go out, I'll do it 

When you don't expect it allows everything to be a blessing, an unexpected surprise, leaving a lot of disappointment and getting let down out of my life.  Unspoken expectations are the WORST.  A lot of Assuming is going on there which can only lead to problems.  Also, when you have these expectations you are putting a lot of pressure on someone else and they might have no idea any of this is happening in your head - then they are letting you down and they don't even know it.  Instead remove the expectations and let them surprise you, honor you, and do nice things for you - instead of just doing what they are supposed to do anyone. It's a whole mental shift - and I for one LOVE IT.

I ask myself this all the time: What unspoken or assumed expectations am I putting on other people?  Then I try to stop.  It's worked wonders in my life.

Again as a disclaimer - I'm sure my blog posts are going to wander all over and back again - but that's how I think so just go with it :0)